All of us, at some point of time in our lives have been guilty of accusing our partners/friends of change, sometimes in subtle words of ” It’s not the same anymore” or in drastic ones like ” what the hell happened to us?” or sometimes “You are not the person I fell in love with anymore!”. We have either been charged for having changed through the course of a partnership or have been convinced that the others have evolved in a million ways, generally in a direction away from us, thus laying the foundation of the series of battles to follow. Even among friends where the feelings aren’t as mangled as in the case of romantic associations, we still resist and loath any change in the patterns through which we have come to recognize our bonds with the concerned person. Again this change could be anything ranging from lesser number of phone calls per day, to subtle changes in behavior, developing separate interests when you have stuck to a weekend tennis session for ages, or worse of all, when your best friend suddenly has a new, cooler friend on the scene. The consequences of the latter have been aptly demonstrated in the flick Bridesmaid recently. We aren’t just possessive about people, but also patterns, shared interests and such and hence change threatens the very picture of the ‘happy life’ we strive for each minute. A static, happily ever-after.
But just like we have come to accept that every year, all the leaves will fall off the branches after breathing a full season of glorious colors, and that snow will eventually melt under the spring sun, why can’t we deal with people the same way? Why wouldn’t we just accept that insecurities can come to fore in the most confident of people, and our calm partners can shock us sometimes with blatant fury, that there will the season of the unreasonable among the season of silliness, passion and reason. That like us, our partners/friends will find new challenges, new experiences, new sensations that will work hard at re-shaping, re-moulding, sometimes totally recreating them. Thus shaking, stirring and jolting our happily-ever-after castles of sand.
I haven’t really made my peace with change in people/situations, despite the re-reads of ‘Who Moved My Cheese’ and all the other gyan that keeps coming my way in the form of spiritual readings, wise people or life experiences. However, I find change the best trigger, the best mirror through which to view our inadequacies, our insecurities,and our humanness if only we care to observe. Mostly, we get caught up in trying to resist it, reshape it, mitigate it with finally sometimes agreeing to manage it. Sometimes we decorate it/eulogize it with cliches like ‘everything happens for the best’, or ‘nothing is permanent but change’ but somehow, never really embrace it.
In another attempt to understanding the subject, a few years ago, I came across this simple story in a children’s book. The message is so beautiful, it needs to be shared: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCmZ2jrQooE