I know there are still a full three months and then some before this year concludes, and yet here I am, writing an ode to the year that I don’t want unrecorded in the story of my little life. Because some years ago, I made a promise to a friend (a signed note that is) that I was going to be something by the 28th year of my life, and yes he pulled it out from his wallet on time in February earlier this year to remind of my promise to the universe. Also as a bitter reminder of the fact that there was very little in tangibles that I could account for to call myself “something” at all – because how do you account for the gains when there has been so much loss, because how can you measure the countless moments that first brought you immense joy and then much greater pain. Thus I gave up putting a deadline to life’s balance sheet and let my 28th year be. And then of course, everything changed forever, because I let change take its course without offering resistance. Here is why I have 2013 to thank aplenty.
For finally teaching me to slow down, to embrace the stillness of a stable life, and the beauty of contentment. Thanks for finally liberating me from fear- of loneliness, of being incomplete without another being and for convincing me that I am all I need for going on. From the fear of underachievement, because besides me, no one is really keeping score.
For letting me make peace with the knowledge that you can never regain that which was once lost, not in the same way at least. For instilling in me that forgiveness is the only real and lasting tool for change and you always start with forgiving yourself. For proving to me that love and friendship are not perfect or everlasting and are imbued with mistakes, just like people are. And that sometimes your failures don’t hold up when you can be truly happy for someone else’s realized dream.
Thanks for molding my life not in the exact way I imagined but carving a journey for me with the most valuable lessons. For the insight that even the purest of relationships are a sum-total of trade-offs and that we are all united in our struggle to make sense of our individual destinies.
For demonstrating to me that sometimes the longest of silences communicate more than a million words and labels fall short in defining relationships. That photographs are just simplistic tales of our very complex and evolving lives and seldom tell the whole story.
For finding life in the small, slow yet steady changes, without being ensnared by the big illusion of a larger plan.
I am leaving this post with the climax piece from “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” , one of the few good movies I have seen in recent times. The lines, the scene, somehow capture a lot of what 2013 was about.
“Because I know there are people who say all these things don’t happen.
And there are people who forget what it’s like to be sixteen when they turn seventeen.
And know these will all be stories someday
and our pictures will become old photographs
and we’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad.
But right now these moments are not stories.
This is happening.
I am here and I am looking at her
and she is so beautiful.
I can see it.
This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story,
you are alive.
And you stand up and see the lights on buildings
and everything that makes you wonder,
when you were listening to that song
on that drive with the people you love most in this world.
And in this moment, I swear, we are infinite. “
P.S: This post goes out for my Bestie, who had the most significant of roles to play in making 2013 the fabulous year it was.